Dark Thoughts

Picture : Dark thoughts by Romasanta


Desires, dreams, secrets, potentialities, paradoxes... regardless of how many may have touched my life, I remain an island seperated by my own pain and utterly disappointed within myself. I suffer in seclusion and weep in loneliness. The horizons beyond me look empty and void of the rainbow I so dearly seek.

I cannot be brave for I am not. I am a cowardly creature, pathetic and like a vagabond gypsy I roam the dimensions of my soul seeking for what, I dont clearly know.. for it still remains unknown and beyond my grasp.

I am a senile old maid trapped in this drab spiritless flesh. I am exhausted of life's sunshine for it does not exist. I am like a pathetic urchin holding out my hands to receive what kindly spirits give in the name of charity, love and compassion. I have no respect, no shame.

I think, therefore I am not, therefore I can never be.

Life in all it's glory is far weaker than death and death has beaconed me again and again... but left, for I have scorned it's beauty and stillness. I remain an entity in conflict within the perimetres of my own soul and nothingness. I am limited and stagnant and beyond salvage century after century and entity after entity.

Written at a time of great stress and change 2003, even now, sometimes, it still applies.

For Prateeksha

The way of the sage is to act but not to compete. Lao-Tzu, Tao Te Ching

Like the wandering minstrels (bauls), they dance and sing and celebrate life because they want to, not because they have to, not because life demands it of them. They have seen the face of god and touched his spirit. The way of the sage is to act, not to compete. And so they celebrate day after day amidst great strive, amidst great joys, it matters not amidst what. They celebrate life and life in turn partakes in their celebration.

You Prateeksha are a baul..... my stationary baul. Of great courage and heart, of a soul that is old and wise, of a mind that is transparent and clear... keep the celebrations going no matter what. Someday the universe is bound to respond. All my love and heart.

Scattered.

Scattered.
Originally uploaded by flatsandpopsicles

there is nothing to write today except this word...scattering. how scattered I see us all and really feel in my soul. I have taken a major decision and i do hope I am moving somewhere towards gathering that scattering of mine.
btw this image i have also chosen for one of my poems by the same title. i think scattering is so painful, yet essential for it teaches us to calm down and get our act together. however, arent we having a wee bit too much of it in this life time? what say you?
hoping that in the weeks to come ...we would be better off and also a little more at our work. and hey both of you, i really need your support through a lot that I am sowing. besides you might recall that winter is usually tough for me for it sets the moods hanging and the blues hit very fast. so watch for those signs and do be around- at least on the fone or something like this.

Long Lost

who did you find who was long last march? i am writing here just to tell you that you can do the same...just figure out how. nothing is final in this wonderful mechanism of communication, so dont you dare to give up so easily.
what is long lost and missed might be found someday. and what then? just see the opportunity that comes my way in work clothes -of reclaiming my long lost house. everyhting is a wildereness there and not much money in my pocket and no humans for compnay either, the winter coming too and whatnot. but i don't think i want to let it go. so i am finding what i had given up for lost. i hope i manage to hold it this time round.
the picture is my garden now fallow...with a threats or promises- all depends upon the current internal wiring

for today this says enuf

sometimes when someone who is this special to me, visits me...for that day a picture together says a lot more than mere words would. so here is one for both of us!