Picture : Dark thoughts by RomasantaDesires, dreams, secrets, potentialities, paradoxes... regardless of how many may have touched my life, I remain an island seperated by my own pain and utterly disappointed within myself. I suffer in seclusion and weep in loneliness. The horizons beyond me look empty and void of the rainbow I so dearly seek.
I cannot be brave for I am not. I am a cowardly creature, pathetic and like a vagabond gypsy I roam the dimensions of my soul seeking for what, I dont clearly know.. for it still remains unknown and beyond my grasp.
I am a senile old maid trapped in this drab spiritless flesh. I am exhausted of life's sunshine for it does not exist. I am like a pathetic urchin holding out my hands to receive what kindly spirits give in the name of charity, love and compassion. I have no respect, no shame.
I think, therefore I am not, therefore I can never be.
Life in all it's glory is far weaker than death and death has beaconed me again and again... but left, for I have scorned it's beauty and stillness. I remain an entity in conflict within the perimetres of my own soul and nothingness. I am limited and stagnant and beyond salvage century after century and entity after entity.
Written at a time of great stress and change 2003, even now, sometimes, it still applies.
2 comments:
gloom is my territory and the photo is lovely.
dark thoughts will lighjt the world one day.
so much of bullshit ...pardon me (please dont actually)
i can never condone any such act of weeping over one's own self. i know we are all basically broken people and trying to make sense in our lives and our art inspite of it- but this weeping is not a celebration ...it is a moping, a wailing and a lamentation. why not simply accept our limitations and say yes! i am so, so and so...but i can still do this...this... and this. and thank god/dog for all the illness and the pain i have suffered(i sometimes want to kill myself for it) i would not be myself if it were not for the pain.
there is no charity tuk...anyone who believes in charity believes in sin. i do not and i do not do charity therefore. i believe in love and whatever i do for anyone is an extension of that love. so if there are others who love you- please accept their love for what it is...without examining their motives or coloring it with your social conditioning.
those who want to do something for you owe it to themselves to do something- not YOU. dont live so much in yourself. it is their need as much as yours. so take it easy. the world is not what our limited minds perceive it to be. there is often a lot more to it than that...
remember the love of your friends and for that alone...please give your healing mechanism your best shot. i cannot think of being without you...
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